This blog will address a subject I’ve seen very little commentary about: the addition of a grandchild in a family. 

Conversely, plenty of thought-leaders have weighed in on how the birth of a child alters the immediate nuclear family system. However, I’ve seen frighteningly little about the impact of the addition of a grandchild; hence, the purpose of this blog entry. It’s my fervent prayer that this discussion will trigger additional thinking and scholarly writings about the impact of new grandchildren on a nuclear and extended family system.

Before they became grandparents, each parent had a parent-child relationship with their child new parent. Parent-child relationships can be dyads, e.g., PARENT A-CHILD, or triangles, e.g., PARENT A-PARENT B-CHILD. However, the birth of a grandchild forms several triangles and causes potential power shifts within both a nuclear as well as extended family.

Unfortunately, a new grandchild opens up potentially difficult triangles and power shifts that can create angst and anxious moments in a family, including:

• In-law mother parent-Grandparent 1-Grandparent 2-power shift. Those grandparents whose in-law parent is the mother have experienced a power shift vis-à-vis the in-law mother, which may manifest itself in the future either through implied or actual power plays around access to the grandchildren.
• Double triangle: (Grandparents-Parent 1) -(Grandparents-Parent 2) -(Parent 1 + Parent 2). I call this triangle, in which each side actually has two people, an echo chamber, but one where the parties attempt to continue inclusion/protocol, at least until the anxiety ratchets up to such an extent that interlocking triangles result.
• First grandchild on both sides issues. This was the case in my own personal parenting experience, although I wasn’t either my maternal or paternal grandparents’ first grandchild-but first grandchild on both sides can be both an exciting and anxious experience, especially if grandparental competition (a separate category) breaks out.
• First grandchild on either side issues. In such an instance, one side is experiencing a first grandchild, while the other side isn’t.
• Grandparent competition issues. While the grandchild (and often the parents of the grandchild) arguably benefits from grandparents showering the tyke with gifts, etc., but it can quickly get out of hand and, if not properly addressed, can spiral downward and out of control quickly.
• Parent 1-Parent 2-(Grandparents-Parent 1) triangle. The parents outnumber the grandparent in such triangles.
• Parent 1-Parent 2-(Grandparents-Parent 2) triangle. The parents outnumber the grandparent in such triangles.
• (Grandparents-Parent 1-ex-spouse)-Parent 2 ex-spouse mother-$$$ power play/bribe. An ex-in law mother, many of whom are angry narcissists, can be particularly sinister, cruel and ruthless when she’s got control over when the grandparents can even see their grandchildren. Such scoundrel mothers in this category frequently make significant monetary demands in exchange for a “visit.”

The bottom line: The addition of a grandchild-particularly a first grandchild on either or both sides-can present a number of potentially problematic or anxious situations that need to be carefully navigated since they can result in significant family problems.

End of Month Wrap-Up: 2025 certainly hasn’t gone quietly into the night!!! The Cajun Counselor podcast put out two episodes in December

In the December 10 episode of The Cajun Counselor, I discussed the recent coaching changes at Ole Miss and LSU, the intricacies of Testamentary Charitable Lead Annuity Trusts (T-CLATs), and I reviewed several insightful new books on financial planning and family wealth. I closed with a very emotional-for Emplatre, memory about Dad and the Salvation Army.

In the December 24 episode, I discussed an important change in USPS postmarking change via a new regulation that directly impacts the time that federal tax returns are deemed filed under Sec. 7502. I also discussed whether you’ve ever really considered the last time you ever did something and what that means. Additionally, I read my Code of Whole Person Professionalism, before closing with some of my childhood Christmas memories and a challenge for everyone to refocus on your WHY in 2026 to prepare New Years Resolutions!!! Joyeux Noël et Bonne Année from The Cajun Counselor!!!